Some Russian Friend of Mine
by altertalian-doodle
Summary: Whenever Russia gets into a fight with his boyfriend, he crashes at his bro's house drunk to some degree.


Aiya, I thought you didn't drink _mijiu_

I honestly don't know what's going on with me. I have a billion AUs to be sorted out, and I write stuff about drunk Russia.

 _Mijiu_ (米酒) is basically Chinese sake, or rice wine. Its alcohol percentage is from 15% - 20%. The difference is, sake is only fermented while rice wines can also be distilled.

Fun fact: There is a Chinese dish called _jiuniang_ (酒酿) which was originally a byproduct of _mijiu_. It's eaten/drunk by people of all ages. The alcohol percentage is very low (1.5-2%), but it still seems like you're drinking underage if your audience is clueless.

* * *

Russia only said he would be crashing at his place. And so it was fairly unexpected when Yao found him on the couch, halfway drunk.

"Why is it that whenever you get into a fight with America, you come to me, aru?"

"Not always you. I was at Prussia's last time. I drank all his beer."

"And whenever you come over here, you are drunk to some degree, surrounded by bottles of vodka and- aiya, is that my _mijiu_?"

"Maybe."

He checked the wine cabinet. Empty, save for a few remaining bottles.

"Aiya, I had 87 bottles of that in there. And last time you drank all of it _and_ twenty shots of vodka. I didn't even know you _liked_ mijiu. Someday your liver will start falling out too, godammit."

"But Chinaaaaaaaaaaa-"

The Slavic nation rolled over.

"-I loved him for years and now I can't even maintain a steady relationshiip…" His words were beginning to slur, and China sensed a feeling of rising concern. Internally sighing, he wondered why his adoptive younger brother was no different than the little boy he took under his wing back in 1380.

"No more alcohol for you."

"You're not my mother-"

"She was killed by Temujin, or are you so drunk you forgot? (1) Therefore I'm your only, ah, _paternal_ figure, aru." He usually wouldn't address such a sensitive subject, but the Asian country had a short temper, which would usually spike when it was late at night and he walks upon a friend who may or may not have overstayed his welcome.

"BuT cHINAAAAA…" Said nation wondered, again, why he was The One to look after Russia's drunk ass.

"Aiya, how much do you love him, even?"

The Slav mumbled something that sounded like '1800s'.

He remembered this one time, he was married to the State of Zhou for two dynasties. Sheesh, when did two hundred years seem long? (2) But he digressed. The point was to get this Russian friend of his back to his boyfriend so they could take pictures of Putin's dog or whatever (3).

"Just go back to his-"

"Wha-"

"Aiya, hear me out. Go to his front door. Say you're sorry or whatever. If he won't let you in just sit there on the front step until he has to go save you from frostbite, aru. And next time, go crash at Poland's house or something."

"…Okay"

Russia rolled over once more, and then staggered over to the front door.

"China?"

"Hm?"

"You're still single, right?"

"Yes. What about it?"

"I should probably set you up with someone… What do you think about Vietnam?"

Yao practically reeled at the thought. _What?_ "Aiya, I practically raised her! Is Belarus rubbing off on you?"

"Considering your history, she was more of the girl next door-"

"AND she hates me."

"She hates _me_. Not you."

"But-"

"You've better have taken her out next time I see you. Or I will drink all the rice wine in Shanghai."

"You know what? Just get the fuck out. Take the rest of my _mijiu_ , even."

"Seriously, though, take her out-"

"Ivan, just _GO!_ "

"Alright, fine."

* * *

A few weeks later America and Russia were seen comparing pictures of a certain Shiba Inu.

China had his arm in a cast, though he never explained what happened. Vietnam looked a little uncomfortable every time it was mentioned, though. He didn't find his wine cabinet empty, but he did find a note.

 _And you call ME the one with relationship problems…_

* * *

(1)I have this headcannon that Russia's mom is Kievan Rus, and she was killed when Mongolia invaded sometime in the 1300s.

(2)During the warring states period, the state of Qin (what would be China) formed a marriage alliance with the state of Zhou, basically, sometime later it became China of the Qin dynasty and blah blah blah.

Excuse my random history nerd stuff.

(3)Putin has a doge. I shit you not, his name is Yume. And yes, the cover is Russia with Putin. Your argument is now invalid. ^J^

Also, I probably made them OOC… But hey, America shouldn't be the only one using common speech! Just imagine it's Esperanto or something...

Now back to writing...


End file.
